Carnival Mirror

Have you ever been to a carnival or circus that had one of those crazy mirrors? You know the ones that make you look really tall or short, thin or wide. It is through this distortion that we see ourselves.

I would make the case that feedback we receive from other people is like a carnival mirror. In every piece of feedback there is a grain of truth- the same way that the person in the mirror is still actually you. However, this feedback is presented to you through the lens that someone else has on life from their life experiences- which is that waviness of the mirror.

I’m not saying that we should ignore or disregard feedback. It is an essential part of our growth as a person. What I am proposing is that we should filter through that feedback.

We get feedback through body language, intonation, and use of language, then translate it through our life experiences as good or bad. Then we take those attributes and use those translations to write a story. A story about who we are, our worth and value as a person, partner, spouse, friend, employee or colleague.

What would happen if we started to filter that feedback? Filter through the story, ask clarifying questions. Pick up certain aspects of the feedback that are helpful and leave those that are mean spirited and biting.

At the same time, what if we started delivering feedback in this way? How would your relationships change if you came at a conversation with an open palm rather than a pointed finger?

I encourage you to begin to shift your language. Not only the language that you use with other people but the language you use with yourself. If you give yourself feedback in a constructive way, you have the chance to lift yourself up and learn from your experiences. If you receive feedback in a more open and inquisitive way, you can develop yourself through social awareness.

As one starts to look at feedback this way, it is much easier to give feedback this way. What a wonderful way of fostering a culture of trust and vulnerability! You can’t wait until others start to give you feedback this way, it starts with you!