Sorry ---> Thank You

Last week was rough and I just let it get the best of me. I was cranky, short-tempered, and acting pretty dramatically. As usual, this became cyclical- the worse I acted, the moodier those around me got. I could not see how I was part of the problem rather than part of the solution.

It would be all too easy for me to make every excuse to justify my behavior. Rather than this, I practiced several of the meditation techniques that I teach and began to calm myself down. I then circled back with those who were left in my wake and did my best to make it right.

I took this opportunity to practice replacing “I’m sorry” with “Thank you.” It sounds like this:

I’m sorry I’ve been so dramatic/ emotional/ needy ---> Thank you for listening.
I’m sorry that I’ve been distant ---> Thank you for being patient.
I’m sorry that I’m late… again ---> Thank you for waiting for me.
I’m sorry I’m such a mess ---> Thanks for holding space.

Remember, the words “I’m sorry” are essential for maintaining relationships. However, notice how much you use them. I apologize constantly- for walking in my cat's way, for my spouse not being able to find his own keys, for walking past someone in the grocery store….. And the more I use this phrase, the less meaningful it is. Especially when it is repeatedly used with the same people.

I learned this practice of using “thank you” in therapy several years ago. It is about shifting the focus from the negative to a space of gratitude. The switch can be a powerful one as it helps others see how much you value and appreciate what they do for you. It also anchors your perspective in gratitude which will shift you towards the positive. Through research in positive psychology, gratitude has consistently been connected with a greater sense of happiness.

Use your “sorry’s” and “thank you’s” to communicate your appreciation for others and what they have done for you- and remember that you don’t need to apologize for existing.